I wasn’t going to talk more about my surgery but since all I’ve been doing since my last post is either having surgery (thankfully a VERY small percentage of the time!) or recovering from it. I guess that’s pretty much all I’ve got for this overdue post.
Instead of telling you all the gory stuff though I want to talk about expectations. As I mentioned in my last post, there was a chance I could awaken from my surgery pain-free. I didn’t really expect that to happen but you know, in a way, I sort of hoped it would. Well, it didn’t. I am now getting used to what kind of pain remains and how to deal with that.
There’s still a lot of numbness and pain in my right wrist and pinky – clearly an ulnar nerve something-or-other. That’s annoying, and I suspect it’s one of the things that may not go away. This is kind of a bummer. It hurts a lot, and makes strange things that require applying pressure difficult, like opening doors.
However, once I got over being sad about that, I began to realize that my hands were steady. I’m looking at them right now and they are not shaking one bit. If you ever saw me drinking a cup of coffee before, you’d know I needed two hands to hold it steady and that I always appeared to have tremors.The unsteadiness was a big factor in what led me to quit drawing and embroidering — I’ve always been a skilled freehander, and I just couldn’t get the lines to come out right. I am happy to report that, like riding a bike, apparently that’s something I can just pick back up again.
I don’t even know if I realized how much I missed it. I think I just got so used to not doing it that I sort of forgot I once called myself a capital-A Artist.
I kind of gave up on being an artist and actually I think I wasn’t really cut out for it anyway, at least not on a professional level. So that’s ok. AndI might never be “perfectly” healed or have 100% of my hand control back ever again, but I’ve been given back something I sort of assumed I just had to give up forever. Something I thought I was just going to have to get used to never doing again. I can pick up a pencil and I can draw again and it feels incredible. I can definitely live with that.